My name is Natalie and I’m at the end of my tether.
When the Penn State sexual abuse came out, I came clean to my parents on what happened to me. I did it because coworkers joked about it, it was on the news, and it was on every social media site I’m on. I cannot fault my parents’ reaction, but it wasn’t a pretty one. There has been misguided victim blaming; I was told I was obligated to say something, I was told I should have said something. But as time went on, I started to relive and remember key parts of what happened to me. I was abused when I was five years old and again at the age of seven and I remember it all the way up until I was nine. I’ve repressed this up until I was 17 and then it escalated in the past months where I couldn’t even do my work.
My work performance has taken a terrible turn all because of what I’m remembering. I’m going to lose my job for it. I went to a psychiatric hospital for help for my own will and I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD. I knew I was going to lose my job and I did it because I wanted a solid path with what I could work with in terms of getting help. I need therapy to undo the trauma I’m remembering.
I’m going to lose my health insurance. I’m going to be unemployed.
One of my abusers may not even be prosecuted because of statutes of limitations and he was a repeat offender. I’ve felt guilty about that for a very long time. At this rate, I’m sure it’s going to hit a snag because of my involvement with Occupy.
I’m not begging for handouts, this is why I dare not link a Paypal. I just want help; I want to work, I want to pay for my treatment and my hospital deductible. I have no idea what to do other than this. I’ve got a resume, a phone, and computer. I WANT to work, I want to be happy and be like any other responsible adult.
Advice would be nice, too. Tumblr, I’m reaching out to you because I want to live. I don’t want to remember anymore, I don’t know what else to do and I’m scared. I can freely admit I’m getting worse.
This is Natalie. This is brave, strong, amazing Natalie crying out for help. And I can’t help her. And that hurts. That hurts so fucking much. Natalie has helped me and offered help and has done so much for me. And this is the least I can do. I don’t want to lose my friend. Please, if you can help my friend, I beg you, do something. She doesn’t deserve this pain. If you know of any jobs hiring in the Denver area or of any insurance agencies that will work with the unemployed please, please pass it on. Please.
Another reblog because I forgot to add that she’s in the Denver area! Help out (or at least reblog) please?